“Okay Callie, when you sweep in from stage left, make sure you end up standing just here,” said Andrew indicating a point at the front of the stage. “Give your lines and then exit stage right.”
“Okay,” said Callie.
“SM, is the machine all geared up?”
“Yes, the unit has been charging for an hour, the canister is full and loaded.”
“Good. Right, when you hear the lines ‘cloud of confusion’, I want you to fire off a long burst.”
“Right-o Andrew.”
“Great! Places everyone. We’re going from the top of scene three.”
“Hey SM, Danny said you might want a second on the machine,” said Bill.
“Sure, follow me in, just mind your head as there’s not much space under the stage.”
I slipped the release and crawled along the narrow space to the front of the stage, being no more than a metre in height, it was hard on the knees and the joists in key locations lowered that even more.
The machine had been set up at the front, with the stage raked, the front end was even lower than the rear. The space comparative to a large piece of luggage would have made a gnome feel claustrophobic. I was thankful the machine itself was the size of a shoe box and allowed me to clamber to the other side.
Above, the muffled voices of the actors could be heard along with their footsteps as they moved about. Keeping my voice low, I walked Bill through the process.
“On the days of the performance, this needs to be set up and charging at least a half hour before the show starts.”
“Got it.”
The unit was simple in design, a metal box with a heating unit, an exhaust pipe at the front and a canister that plugged top down into the back. A heavy duty carry handle and two switches. A rocker next to the power cord at the back and the other a big red button to fire the unit sat raised on the top.
“First things first, always check the canister is screwed in finger tight and make sure this light is on.” The power indicator glowed a bright orange. “Don’t touch the unit if you can help it, the damn thing gets hot real fast.” I showed him the blister from the first day. He cringed in response.
“We’ve affixed this tube to the exhaust port so no one else has to try and hold the machine in place while they’re using it.”
A tube led from the front of the unit to a hole in the floor. He craned his neck to look, footsteps approached as Callie took her place and started saying her lines.
“It’s hard to hear what she’s saying,” said Bill.
I nodded, holding a finger to my lips and tilting my head, one ear to the floor above while I rested my finger on the button.
“Your magic won’t work against me!” said Callie standing over us. “I curse you with the cloud of confusion—”
I pressed the button on cue, the machine hissed as it worked.
“AARGH!” her voice changed from a command performance to a shriek. “What the fuck was that?”
I released the button early, that clearly wasn’t part of the script. Above muffled laughter mixed with placations make it impossible to know what’s going on.
“Bill, go see what the problem is then let me know.”
Turning on the spot, he scurried out like a mouse on a mission for cheese. How someone four inches taller than me is that nimble amazes me.
While I wait, I check the connections. The canister had gas in it, we heard it fire, the pipe is in place otherwise we would have been on the receiving end and our crawl space filled with fog.
“Hey SM, Andrew says to come out with the machine and do a test fire.”
“Okay Bill, give me a minute.”
Hose clips released, I pull it free, click the base switch then pull the plug. With the power cable coiled, I hold it and the handle. Hunched like Quasimodo, I inch my way back under the stage to the exit, glad to be free of the confines that always feel like a sauna without the steam.
On stage, machine in hand. “What happened?”
“Can you test it here?”
Bill is one step ahead and unrolls an extension cable handing the end to me. Setting it down, I wait a few minutes for the light to steady, then hit the button. A jet of liquid sprays out then rolls down the stage.
“Bollocks!”
Sniggers from cast and crew alike. All except Callie.
“Sorry Andrew, didn’t know. It tested fine earlier. We’ll get the workshop to send us a new and backup unit while this is in for repair.”
“If you think for one moment, that I am standing over that hole again to have fog fired up the skirt, you can think again!”